Last Blog

So, I have been in Namibia now for 27months and in Khorixas specifically for two years. I have experienced and learned a lot. One of which is that I am not a good blogger - very inconsistent! As of Friday the 13th of May, I am officially a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer! There is no amount of gratitude and thanks I can give to family and friends back home that have supported me through prayers, letters, packages, reading this blog, Whatsapp and Facebook messages. Thank you help me complete my volunteer service as it was not an easy one, but life changing. I love you all and am excited to see you when I get back. So here are a few last thoughts for you on my last blog post…

Things that I like now that I didn't before…
1) Cold water, half frozen – I used to like it room temperature, but it is so dang hot!
2) Hot tea – I always thought people were crazy for wanting their tea hot. The only way was iced cold sweet tea of course! Now I like hot tea anytime of the day even when it is steaming outside.
3) Donkey meat – well, that's a given because I never had it before! It is quite tasty.
4) Pap – also never had it, it was a nice easy staple I will miss

Things I will miss…
1) The unblemished, numerous stars
2) Being surrounded by mountainous hills
3) Animals everywhere, wondering about without fences and gates
4) Memes and anyone napping on a mattress on the front porch or laying on the cement floor to keep cool – doing  what's comfortable without caring what it looks like
5) Meals be fire; poitgies; braii stands everywhere and fresh chips (French fries)
6) The everyday sights of donkey carts and riding in the back of bakkies
7) Hanging clothes on the line especially putting them up in the crisp morning and taking them down right as the stars were out
8) Walking as the most common way which means seeing people on the streets all the time and children playing outside together

I will not miss…
1) Unwanted attention
2) Hiking for transportation
3) Hand washing clothes


I have a few friendships that I will cherish forever. We are so close that I feel confident we will meet again. Also, no one will quite understand my sweet Khorixas as the people of Khorixas do. “As xusa /gom!”

Stripped Away

I will start this blog off with one of my "written words" then end with a recount of Wednesday which helps affirm of one reason why I am here in Namibia and in Peace Corps - to be with those I never would.  

Stripped Away

“What happens when you are stripped of happiness

Stripped from your family

Stripped from your friends

Stripped of all that you claim as your identity

The good part anyway”

What if the person that stripped you away was you yourself?

Stripped makes it seem you were torn against your own will

But it was my will to be stripped away

Why? 

Why remove yourself from all you love?

Why go so far away when there is so much to do right where I am standing?

A higher calling is what some might say

A profound voice in my heart and soul said, “Go.”

So, I went.

I went into the unknown 

No reason or purpose 

“Go”

To be so sure

The power of such sound steps could only come from the Almighty

Then my Earth shattered…

Nothing was right

My father taken to watch from above

My steps faltered

Yet my family was there to help me stand

So I took the next step (into Peace Corps Namibia)

LGBTI freely (with harassment)
walk the streets in Khorixas. 

Wednesday was a glorious day. I don’t share too many details of the everyday life here. My lovely site-mate, Alex, who I am sure I will unveil the deep beauty of this woman and her friendship to me on another day – spent the night before at my place. She came to wash her sheets as I have a tub to make this process easier. Since she came later in the day, the items were not dry and I had the joy to have her spend the night. We woke up, cooked eggs and walked into the day. She had a letter to drop off at KHFM, the local community radio, to request a partnership with them for a LGBTA (Lesbians, Gays, Bi-sexuals, Transgenders and Allies) event next year and I needed a few signatures from community members to partner with the new business volunteer I am applying to replace me. We walked out of the hospital gates with her blankets in hand to the radio station just down the street as I awaited her.

Not wanting to depart each other she walked left at the T-junction with me to the orphanage. At this point we were accompanied by a young gentleman who asked where we were going and if we were going to “a country” in which we said we were not and he shared he was going to Greasy’s house. Greasy happened to live right next door to the orphanage and a truck pulled up right as we were entering. The gentlemen were dropping off meat, I believe. Most of the orphans have some family members and are out of town for the holidays. The manager, an orphan herself, sat with us as we talked about upcoming plans of them going to town and this weekend swimming in Fransfontein. After our short chat and signature, we left and walked towards town where we met our smallest and favorite of friends – Kadisha. We are biased to her as from the beginning she knew the difference between the /gam /husas (two white ladies). Her favorite subject is English, she is mannerly and one day she asked me to play which for her was writing English. Kadisha accompanied us down the dirt road a bit until Alex headed home. Kadisha accompanied me to the Lutheran Church office where I have ordered a leather personalized stitched covering for the hymn book I purchased a month back or so. This hymn book is in Khoekhoegowab and I am so excited to bring home such a meaningful piece back to America. I am currently trying to memorize the Lord’s Prayer, but only have the first lines down so far. The cover was in Khorixas, but not at the office. We departed to escort barefoot Kadisha to her home where her mother awaited her.

Betty and her newest grand-baby, Divine

It was then that I “footed” (walked) to the location called “Hollywood” where my dear friend Betty lives. Her daughter just married this past weekend in the most beautiful of gowns. She has always made me feel so welcome. Two tents were pitched in the back yard from all the family that was there. The only individuals left were Betty, her mother, her two daughters, her uncle and 5 grandchildren. They were cooking some of the cow that was killed from the weekend for lunch. I sat in the back yard as I shared company with a family that I want to know deeper. I assisted ever so little with the fire cooked meal and ate meat and bread with them on the front porch. Then on the national Namibian news channel, the Republican Presidential Debate aired and I couldn't believe the amount of attention just one country, my home country, gets worldwide. After some laughs and smiles, I left with a content heart and a bag of fresh eggs and vegetables from the garden. Betty walked me down the street, as it is custom to walk visitors back to their home or at least down the street and hugged good bye.

Republican Debate - Where am I?

I went home and took a nap then left to meet Den, Alex and another PCV visitor – Davian. We had deep topic discussions over Fanta Orange then pour over coffee and lastly a meal as we attempted to make gimp that was ever so popular from our childhood days and found to be incredibly complicated. Davian and Den then escorted me home around midnight to where I had a peaceful and satisfying sleep from the heartfelt interactions of the day. 

Crafting - Gimp Time

Written Words

So, I have discovered an artistic release while being here that I would like to share with you. I like to write poems or something along that line to express myself. I may just post these instead of long blog posts every couple of months because I am only in Namibia for 6 more months! Time has surely flown right on by. I hope you enjoy this peak into the deepness of my heart. Most are about inner struggles I have dealt with while being here. I will just post one every couple of days for you to absorb.

ONE SONG

A song of release, praise and cry for help

What happens when you are stripped of happiness

Stripped from your family

Stripped from your friends

Stripped of all that you claim as your identity

The good part anyway

The mirror reflects anger, pain, selfishness, apathy

The longer I look the darker I get

My skin melts, my face deforms

My eye sockets are dark holes

All I see is darkness 

A black mass

 Somehow I find my way 

I walk through the day

The day becomes night

The blind man sees better than me

The blind man is happier

How can I see like the blind man?

I close my eyes.

I open them.

The reflection is blurry. Hazy. 

I close my eyes. Clinch my eyes.

Tears. I feel tears roll down my face.

 I feel them.

 A warmth.

A wetness. 

A soft smile comes across my face

I am actually feeling tears

I open my eyes

I blink

I blink again and the flood clears from  my eyes

The image in the mirror is becoming clear

And it is not a deformed figure

It is a beautiful young lady

Is that truly me?

Or is that someone else?

Wow, I mean she is truly beautiful

She has a shine 

A sparkle like no other

The sparkle is still there, just dimmer

"Embrace the sparkle. Embrace the shine," I think.

I see the image brighten with clarity.

I am alive.

I am me. 

I need to hold onto this part of me. 

On another note, you should check out a new YouTube Channel my site mate and I are doing called The Damaricans. Check out our first video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCjwbR7K4bw. 

Christmas in July - My Holiday in Review

SOO...as you know now, I am terrible at posts. I had 3 more unfinished posts about my adventures with Mom in Namibia, but figured I should get this uploaded since it is already 3 months late and almost real Christmas in December!

Poinsettias in Katima by Zambezi River

Can you believe it – poinsettias in Namibia?! It is our(America) Christmas plant, but since it is a winter plant it is blooming in Namibia now. What a way to remind me that I am celebrating Christmas in July this year. The first few days of this month, I was reunited with Peace Corps Namibia Group 39 at our mid-service conference. My mom arrived the 4th and I have had 24 memorable days with her and I will end the last days of this month in Khorixas, my Namibian home. A beautiful mix of all my loves in one month.

Hikers to Khorixas...Mother & Her Children

For more details about
my activities with my mom you can read my previous blogs, but the following are some highlights. We slept in 8 lodges, volunteer accommodation’s for 6 nights, camped 5 nights, slept in dormitory beds for 3 nights, and a castle for 1 night. We drove 4,654 km (2,891 miles) which is about 68 hours (almost 3 days) purely on the road within 3.5weeks. We have helped give rides to 7 strangers and 2 PCVs on 7 separate occasions. The 7 strangers composed of 3 women, 2 men and 2 children. I am very proud of Mom being open to pick up hikers and happy we were able to help out a handful of people. [For those nervous readers, the men sat in the back of the bakkie (truck) for the duration of their trip if that calms you any more. We also passed almost a hundred of those needing rides, but I wanted some alone time with my mom.]

Along the drive we have seen baboons, wart hogs, ostriches, various deer-like and antelope animals (oryx, springbok, kudu, eland, and other names I can't recall), elephants and zebras. This excludes the wild lions and leopard we saw in Etosha National Park and the tame cheetah we pet in Quiver Tree Forest. We walked through a canyon, touched ever so lightly a natural hot spring, slept in a castle in the middle of a desert, climbed red sand dunes, touched the Atlantic Ocean and tasted the great fish it produces, gave Mom an up close view of my work and life in Khorixas, witnessed a waterhole have no animal life to a plunder of 5 different animals (elephants, zebras, oryx, lions and a giraffe), saw the northern Nambian rivers (Kavango, Chobe, Zambezi), crossed Botswana into Zimbabwe where we escaped into the 7th Natural Wonder of the World (Victoria Falls) with the views and jumped in downstream we white water rafted the same river with fellow Texans (of all people in the World!), touched Zambia, “played” with elephants and walked with lions, received a ticket for a faulty taillight in Zimbabwe, relaxed on a boat ride in Zambezi Region and made our way back to Windhoek for some city adventures before Moms departure. Yes that was all just one sentence, but it depicts how fast these breathtaking events occurred following one after another.

Petrified Forest

Etosha National Park

Kavango River in Divundu

Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe - One of the Seven Wonders of the World

Riding and Feeding Elephants

Just Petting and Walking with Lions -  No Big Deal. 

Two Worlds, Two Loves with One Wall in Between

Several hours after our dreamy ballooning experience, we reached the Atlantic Ocean. I have been to this German influenced town before- running the half marathon the same day my little niece was born. We shopped a little, visited the aquarium, ate seafood and walked the beach. I was yearning to get home to Khorixas though, so we left Swakopmund a day early.

For so long I have pushed my American world in the back of my head. I live in Namibia and I cannot fully enjoy the wonders of the country if my mind is always back home. No matter how much I love my family, they have to be compartmentalized in one part of my brain otherwise I would be miserable (or so I thought). I was so excited to have “America” come to Namibia. I am still very happy that my mom is here, but it is a mess of emotions that has just crashed into my lap. She has been here a little over a week and it is starting to settle in. The walls that took me so long to build are starting to crumble down. Especially since she is now here in Khorixas, my second home. The few hours that we have spent together in my flat seems like a faded memory. She is now in the same place I have cried so many tears of homesickness. I can actually touch her, but am scared of the emotional release this will cause and my wall might completely come down. After she leaves I know I will have to rebuild this wall so I can enjoy my last months of service in this beautiful country. But I am then reminded that with every fear, you just have to jump in and cherish the moment. You never know which one will be your last, which we all know a little too well. So I will hold onto the frozen picture of Mom brushing her teeth in my hallway. In the future I may need this memory to comfort me until I get back to my Texas home. Thank you God for every moment I have on this earth.

The Whittaker Family

Scarecrow Festival

Mom & I at the Hospital Garden

Okahandja Family Comes to Khorixas

My lovely Khorixas gals that support me more than they know.

Dream Come True

As a child I never had too many dreams, but one of them was riding in a hot air balloon. And today (July 11th, 2015) I got to fulfill this dream. Truth is, my real dream was to be a hot air balloon pilot. I am now one step closer and maybe this is still in my future path.

After departing the castle, we passed through a couple of public and private national reserves. We got to see an eyeful of oryx and our wishful thinking was changing many sticks and trees into giraffes. We arrived at our beautiful campsite that early afternoon and drove nearby to the famous Sossusvlei red sand dunes. Mom would share that this was her least favorite part of the trip due to the hard hike up the dune and wind constantly throwing sand in our face. You would never guess it with the gorgeous pictures we took! After a short attempt of my skills on a 4X4 only road where mom expressed she “would be fine once she got the poop out of her pants”, we returned to begin cooking dinner by fire. Each of the campsites had its own personal hot shower, toilet, sink, outdoor kitchen sink, shade covering and braii stand. All sites shared a small community pool in the middle. I did not know such nice campsites existed!

One of the many road experiences. You could tell a car was
approaching at such a great distance due to the dust cloud. 

Oryx - One of these guys almost ran into us
right after we saw the animal sign!

The Fancy Sossus Oasis Campsite!

The Most Beautiful Woman

We woke early in the morning darkness to be picked up for our adventure in the sky. After a 30 minute drive with fellow excited balloon passengers we arrived to two balloons getting aired up. The basket was divided into 5 compartments, 4 of which held 4 passengers each and the middle held the captain. This balloon is 4 times bigger than your typical hot air balloon. The entry into the basket surprised me because I thought it would be a latched gate or they would have some box steps to enter – but it's a climb! The steps are in the basket, there are only two and the first one was at my high upper thigh. It also took us a good while to get off the ground, hovered over the ground then our view expanded into the great vast before us. My eyes savored the unforgettable scenery and inhaled the most beautiful sunrise of my 24 years of life.

If this were not enough, our pilot was a delightful, humorous Canadian man with an interesting life story. He spent the last 6 years in Kenya and before that raised his daughter and managed his own hot air balloon business in Canada. He filled my heart with joy and made me think of Dad who would of also thought he was a “good man”.

Before take off we were trained in the proper stance for landing. Everyone hunches down with their backs against the wall of the basket and hands grasped onto the strong rope. The pilot kept saying, “ Do you want the $5 or $20 landing?”. As we approached the end of our air adventure, we were informed it would be a $5 landing because there was not any wind - I was relieved. After several minutes of hovering over the ground, the  balloon team arrived and they actually pulled us to the trailer and landed right there on the trailer. Can you believe that?!

The same safari cars that took us to those great big colorful delights now took us to another joy – a breakfast for celebrities! Tables with white cloths, a buffet of homemade bread, jams, boiled eggs, cereal, sliced meats (including zebra) and cheeses topped off with champagne and a view to praise the heavens.

Upon waking up to this dream, I let my curiosity run wild and allowed my senses to capture every aspect of every  moment until the end where we drove off to the Atlantic shore.

Just Hovering Above the Ground

Getting Pulled to Trailer for Our Landing

Landed Right on the Trailer!

Mom and I with the Hot Air Balloon Team

Princess for a Night

Our Duwiseb Castle

We have had an array of different lodging, but none quite as spectacular as the castle. I don't know what made it so superb, but a memory that will last forever. We left Ai-Ais and made our turn north-bound before sunset. Halfway there we ate a delightful apple crumble and coffee in a small town and safely arrived around lunchtime. We were greeted nicely and I discovered the castle was managed predominantly by Namas! I could use my Khoekhoegowab language skills! I surprised Sonneth our all-in-one  guide, host, and waitress by speaking the language. I would like to believe she added liquor into our free welcome drinks as an addition! Once we were settled in our room, we drank our fruit cocktails as we received our tour and history of Duwiseb Castle. Interesting enough the lady of the house was actually from America and the castle was completed in the middle of the desert in just two years by 1909. The story is that she wanted a castle where she would not have to share her view with any other ladies. And for this night we got to be the ladies of the castle! We were the only ones staying the night so we got a three course meal served just for us and were informed that they would be locking the castle when they departed for the night. We joked about how we could yell at anyone coming in that this was our castle and tell them to leave. Once again, I don't know if it was because we went from camping to a castle bed, but it felt like we were sleeping on heavenly clouds. We woke up refreshed as angels! Another royal meal was served and we gathered our belongings to leave. I gave Sonneth a firm embrace and my eyes watered slightly as a bond was made. It felt like I was leaving family behind. She walked us to the door and waved us down the road like it was our summer home that we would return to next year.

Just Coming through the back door

Nice Castle, but there is only one spot for phone connection!