Princess for a Night

Our Duwiseb Castle

We have had an array of different lodging, but none quite as spectacular as the castle. I don't know what made it so superb, but a memory that will last forever. We left Ai-Ais and made our turn north-bound before sunset. Halfway there we ate a delightful apple crumble and coffee in a small town and safely arrived around lunchtime. We were greeted nicely and I discovered the castle was managed predominantly by Namas! I could use my Khoekhoegowab language skills! I surprised Sonneth our all-in-one  guide, host, and waitress by speaking the language. I would like to believe she added liquor into our free welcome drinks as an addition! Once we were settled in our room, we drank our fruit cocktails as we received our tour and history of Duwiseb Castle. Interesting enough the lady of the house was actually from America and the castle was completed in the middle of the desert in just two years by 1909. The story is that she wanted a castle where she would not have to share her view with any other ladies. And for this night we got to be the ladies of the castle! We were the only ones staying the night so we got a three course meal served just for us and were informed that they would be locking the castle when they departed for the night. We joked about how we could yell at anyone coming in that this was our castle and tell them to leave. Once again, I don't know if it was because we went from camping to a castle bed, but it felt like we were sleeping on heavenly clouds. We woke up refreshed as angels! Another royal meal was served and we gathered our belongings to leave. I gave Sonneth a firm embrace and my eyes watered slightly as a bond was made. It felt like I was leaving family behind. She walked us to the door and waved us down the road like it was our summer home that we would return to next year.

Just Coming through the back door

Nice Castle, but there is only one spot for phone connection!

Down South

Alright! You actually want to hear all that I have done since I lovingly embraced my mom’s arrival into Namibia? Well, we have done so many things I am going to break up the blog into legs of our trip.

Mom trusted me to plan the entire trip including a variety of sleeping arrangements. I of course checked with her first, but this meant her first night sharing a dormitory room with me and four other strangers. She was tired, so she slept well but it was something she has never done before. She was quite a trooper! We had nights we were camping, but I have bummed off of other volunteers and didn't have any camping equipment. So on Sunday, July 5th we quickly bought all the necessities (my Christmas presents to keep!) including sleeping bag, mat, tent and cooler. We gave a ride to one of my most beloved volunteer friends, Sinthu, back to her home since we were passing through. We ate lunch at one of her local diners in Mariental, took a tour of the hospital she works in and a home tour before departing to our second night in this interesting looking lodge.

This establishment was family owned and ran. Dinner was homemade in what seemed to be her grandmothers dishes. It was welcoming and had a comfortable bed after a 6 hour drive. In the morning, the male owner was trying to teach me Afrikaans and surprised I did not know it already after being here a year. We also got to pet a cheetah and wart hog!

Just within the lodging is the quiver tree forest and giants playground which were interesting natural sites to see. Then off to lunch with another volunteer! We got a driving tour of Keetmanshoop by Katie and ate some pizza. Got groceries and were off on another long drive, but this time with the added challenge of being on a dirt road. We drove through Fish River Canyon and made it to Ai-Ais Hot Springs! After some tiresome hours of beautiful scenery we reached the gate right before sunset enough time to get our tent up, eat pb&j’s and get some rest. After cooking breakfast by fire, we took a hike through the canyon. We then relaxed by the outdoor heated pool. There were so many white tourists none of which were speaking English to each other. This was a bit of an adjustment to my life in Khorixas and realized I was about to see the same country but through tourists’ eyes. Mom was so thoughtful that she brought fixings for s’mores which we ate that night which were oh so delicious! The next day we spent its entirety by the pool. Luckily the south is typically quite cold especially during the winter, but this week it was nice cool temperatures – not too hot nor too cold. The next morning we woke up at 5:30am to pack our tent and depart because we we knew we had another full day of dirt road ahead of us!

The Best Independence Celebration - Not Even in the USA

I have now lived over a year in Khorixas and my Mom's arrival has shed the best light on my service. She arrived July 4th aroung 3PM Namibian time. Our reunion was pretty movie-like. She missed her flight from Johannesburg, SA into Windhoek, NA and used an unlawful amount of data to contact Stacy to inform me. She is such a great mom and was only concerned about me waiting at the airport without knowing she was on a different flight. With this knowledge I still arrived 4 hours before our union because I was filled with too much excitement. At the Hosea Kutako International Airport there is a guard rail about 25m from this automatic door that releases recently arrived individuals. I was filled with so many emotions - the reality that my mom was coming through that door was just too unreal. I was standing with jittery legs and a hard focus on that magical door that opened to have a peek into the other side as people walked through. Person after person came through, each not my mom. Then finally, the door opened and a sparkle came to my eyes as I saw Mom in the distance. She had not seen me and I excitedly got the folded piece of paper out of my back pocket that I had written "Mom" on and held it up against that rail. The doors opened. Our eyes caught and a buoyant laughter bursted from her lips as she saw me and my sign. I danced with joy until I could embrace her. And what an embrace! Fifteen months of no touch all in one hug. It felt like a screenplay of each day we were separated was united and filled in those few moments. Our separate memories and experiences collided into one. An explosion. One so great tears rolled down our cheeks. We moved to a different location to continue our embrace. Joy - pure joy. Then a wave of emotion hit me that Dad was not there. He would have enjoyed this and in a way he has the best seat in the house to view our adventures together.

P.S. Keep posted to read another blog about Mom & I traveling Namibia! I am writing this a week into her 3 week visit - and wow we have seen a lot!

Our First Dinner in Namibia!

The Foreigner

First, I realized I think my last blog is the first one which I shared what I was doing here. Sorry it took a year to do so! I hope you are now aware of the struggles a health volunteer has to start a project and then face the many challenges of keeping the project alive and ultimately successful. Let's just say - it's hard. I have really learned to be flexible, face adversity and still getting better at being resilient. There is a fine line between flexibility and apathy that I constantly am crossing; it is a fine balance.

This adventure of mine is a constant psychological and sociological exploration. My last blog title was called “One Year as a Foreigner” and I want to open your minds as mine has been opened. I am sure anyone that has lived abroad has a better understanding already, but maybe this is a reminder. Khorixas is about the size of Brenham, Texas – large enough to be a town, but small enough to be aquatinted with everyone. Let's say one day an Indian lady (a  small demographic in Brenham) moves into town and starts working. Without ever speaking to her, there are a multitude of thoughts or judgements on her and her character. These judgments are based largely on stereotypes on television and maybe the few Indians you know. Yet do you ever take the time to get to know her or invite her over for a nice Texan American welcome? No, you typically don't. Foreigner is not an endearing word, “invader” and “outsider” are words associated. I am trying to explain this in nice literature terms, but simply put- be nice to the outsider, invite them over or out, have an open mind and don't make judgments.

When I first arrived, I was expecting everyone to invite me over and I would become a part of a big family. Well, this didn't happen – maybe because everyone thought someone else would invite me over or that whites and blacks don't typically hang out together here or people don't really invite, you invite yourself. Whatever the reason, I felt isolated. Since then I have coped and made some friends, but true friendships worldwide are hard to find. With time, I am sure these friendships will grow and become stronger.

I currently live in a sharing society where everyone asks family, friends and strangers for money. Due to white colonizers and television, as a white female I am expected to have a lot of money. As Namibian friends have explained to me, when black Namibians see white people they see money. Because of this I get asked every day by at least five people for money. Not as many people ask me anymore because they know me and my response, “I don't have.” The combination of cultural norms of sharing and the perception that I have a lot of money was an overload of money requests. This was very overwhelming when I first arrived and is something I don't think I will ever really get used to, but I have a better understanding and acceptance of this issue. I realized that I have never really been asked for anything prior to coming here. I only gave with a gracious heart, but have become more selfish here. I am trying to find a balance of my old giving heart and a boundary of being taken advantage of.

Before you make judgements on a persons character on something that bothers you, their actions may be something from a cultural background. The human race is so diverse, let's embrace our own and respect others. Also, let's be nice to the “foreigner”.

Dominoes - The Namibian Way

One of my first days in Khorixas, watching a soccer match

       

2014 End of the Year Party for My School Club Learners

    

Mrs. /Gawises' 50th Birthday Party                                            My On & Off Boyfriend, Chicco

One of my latest efforts - Grassroots Soccer

One Year as The Foreigner

One Year as The Foreigner

I arrived to Namibia on March 12th 2014 and here I am one year later! I can't believe it. I actually made it. I am proud. Only 14 months until I complete my service. Now that may seem silly to say as I have actually more time left than I have completed, but I feel like it is just tomorrow that I will be going home. When I first applied for Peace Corps I thought 27 months was such a long time and wondered why it couldn’t be one year, “Isn't that long enough?”, I thought. I want to try and paint a picture for you. Most jobs in America have a defined job description, duties and colleagues to work with to reach your goals. As a health volunteer in Peace Corps, you are given an organization to work with but you are responsible for assessing the needs of the community, identifying projects to work on that are culturally and economically sustainable and find  colleagues to collaborate on the project with. This is a big task to take on in a familiar community – now picture trying this in a country a hemisphere and season different than your own. It takes just a year to build trust with people – for them to be comfortable with you and you to know who has an honest commitment and desire to better the community.

I have heard it time and time again from other volunteers, the second year is easier and when you really get in the routine of your work projects. I am into that second year, and for me it is true! After many failed projects and heartfelt attempts and ideas, I have a few projects that are consistent. I co-advise three school clubs that meet four times a week. I lead an exercise class three times a week for ladies in the community. I am assisting with a garden and chicken project that are to benefit the hospital patients and disadvantaged in the community. I also help organize any projects within the Khorixas Hospital Social Services Department. These are my main community projects and in Peace Corps I am a leader in the HIV Working Group and Volunteer Support Network. This work keeps me busy and I pray my efforts are as beneficial to others.

With just a year left, I had to plan out my vacation days so that I can visit as much of Namibia as possible before I go home. This makes the time go by even faster! The most exciting news is my mom will be visiting in just a few months (your summer & my winter)!!!!

Home is Where the Heart Is

When I started this blog a year ago, I had no clue the struggles I
would blog about. My life changed last year and will never be the same. Initially I debated posting about my Dad’s death or just getting rid of my blog in general, but I needed to keep in touch with everyone back home so I kept it. Now the blog has turned into this raw emotional public diary of my time in Africa, my struggles of being away from home and living life without Dad. (Sorry to those reading this blog with only a pure interest in the Peace Corps experience.)

Today, last year my Dad died. My heart physically aches and it feels like half of it is gone. Then I remembered the saying: “Home is where the heart is.” No wonder my heart hurts so much! My home is with my family. My father was a big part of that. Not only is my family so very many miles away, but one member is not on this Earth anymore. Heaven is just a little too far away from home for my heart to handle right now.


This morning, I spread my Dad's ashes on the top of one of the surrounding mountainous hills in Khorixas. I brought some of his ashes from USA. I liked the idea of having him all over the world and somehow being a part of my experience here. Before I left, my sister gave me this lovely book with pictures of Dad and some written memories of him. Every time I miss him, I can find some peace in this album. One of the photos is of my Dad, before I was born, barefoot on the edge of this rock in Arizona (I think) with a similar scenery as the one I currently am in. Ever since seeing this photo, I knew I had to hike a hill and spread his ashes at my new home of 2yrs.

This photo embodies the life and spirit of my father. It inspires me to stay adventurous and enjoy life. He disciplined us kids, but he also encouraged us to take life head on and have fun. It has been really hard living life without him though. Every morning I wake, every step I take, every breath I have is just a little harder with this heavy heart I have to carry around. But, I have to let go. I have to let go of my pain and let go my Dad’s life. I realized not too long ago that I didn't want to let go. I kept having excuses as why I didn't want to spread my Dad's ashes. I knew I had to do it today as it has been a year (even if it seems like just last month).

After walking an hour, I was able to spread his ashes North, East, South and West. He always emphasized the importance of knowing directions. He was full of wisdom and life lessons through his actions and words. He encouraged me to be a strong confident woman, to dream big, work hard, love always, live life and appreciate God’s blessings. I have to thank him for that and this is also the reason I must try my best to let go and live my life with the people I am surrounded by now. Otherwise I might just get caught living in the past. I cannot go without saying my dad's goodness and strength is partly attributed to my mom. They were a great team. I could go on forever about all of the special memories of Dad. Instead I ask those who knew him to take a moment and enjoy the memories they had with him and cherish them on this day.

On another perspective of “Home is Where the Heart Is”, our true homes as Christians is in Heaven. Before Dad's death, I came upon this realization on a day I was sad. I couldn't figure it out of why I wasn’t fully happy at where I was. It then hit me that we should never get too comfortable because our true home is in the perfect world of endless praising and loving God in Heaven. This is what we should strive for: living a life for God and accepting His Son as our Savior. One day I will be home with those dearest in my heart. For now, Dad, Amanda (my younger sister), Grandmother, Pop, Aunt Nora and other family and friends get to join each other in joy and laughter as they relish in all the splendors of Heaven.

Halloween (Brenham, TX)

Evening Television (Katy, TX)

Lost Prairie Lake (Palestine,TX)

Texas A&M University Graduation
(Chappell Hill, TX)

One Summer Christmas

A Few Holiday Lights in Khorixas Town

So yeah just a reminder to all, all countries in the Southern Hemisphere have opposite seasons than the north. The movie industry is very biased to those above the equator. I mean during Christmas it is always snowing or at least cold for my Texas folks. While you guys were drinking hot cocoa and bundled by the fireplace, I was sweating in my sleep. I neglected to put sunscreen one day and burned my whole body. So now that I have set the scenery for you of the hot African summer holidays, there is clarification on a few things. Santa Claus does not exist here. There is no holiday music playing. There is not the traditional Christmas festivities held in America. Some children get presents, but many don't. Some don't even get to eat on Christmas Day. Since Santa Claus has not existed here before and children are now having television, parents are now faced with the struggle of children wanting gifts from Santa Claus. Similar to The States, December becomes a time of large expense with visitors passing through. In Khorixas, most residents go to their farms or go to Swakopmund at the coast. So the town is very empty or filled with many non-residents.

So what did I do for the holidays, then? Well, I toured the southern part of Namibia. Before Group 39 departed to our sites in May we decided to have Christmas in Luderitz and it would be called “LudaChristmas”. Well, we kept our word and most of us gathered at the coastal town to celebrate. We visited a ghost town which was established because of diamonds and deserted once there were no more diamonds to be found. I am always amused at the locations which  towns are established and developed. For Luderitz, there is only sand for several hours before you reach another town. There are people bulldozing sand off the roads daily. I never thought I would see such a sight! There is a large “Luderitz” sign like the “Hollywood” sign which we took pictures in front of. We took a boat ride to an island and saw dolphins and seals on the way out and on the island penguins and flamingos! And of course we ate as much seafood as we could: oysters, fish, calamari. Mmmm:)

Dolphins!

Penguins on Halifux Island

Yeah we Peace Corp Vols are creative!

Girls Night in Keetmans!

During the trip we also had a girls night out in Keetmanshoop which is always necessary. Basically we got to play American, going to a nice bar and talking without slowing our speech or censoring any content. We were free to embrace ourselves and our culture. It was very pleasant.


I also hopped on the Gordon Van! One volunteer’s mom came to Namibia for the holiday season. I got to ride in a car with an American driver and everyone spoke English! It felt like an American family road trip. It was nice to hear the mother-daughter family laughs, talks and quarrels. It was very refreshing. I also got to eat at some nice lodges and even went on a game drive where I got to see my first zebras, giraffes, and some other horned beasts.

Game Drive with the Gordons!

Now onto the emotional side…
Despite all the fun, this past December was probably the darkest time in my life. To thrive in a land so far away and so different from my own takes a certain kind of strength. With my Dad’s unexpected death shortly before departing The Great States, the most I could emotionally prepare myself for was getting on the plane. I have encountered and overcome other challenges upon arriving here. You can never really prepare for what happens in life. My world has changed and it will never be the same again. I have been reminded that the only stable and consistent in life is God’s love. He loves me even through my most wicked thoughts and actions. He loved me even though I refused to celebrate His Son’s birth. My heart ached so much. Just when I thought I was adjusting fine, I was reminded of my greatest loves I left behind. Moments I never imagined I would miss – I did. Over the years my family had created our own traditions we all came to love and respect so much. This year I didn't have that. This was my first Christmas away, my nephew’s first Christmas, my nieces first Christmas and all of our first Christmas without that roaring voice, big smile and open arms from my Dad. I couldn't even say Merry Christmas; I might of said it once. As I noted earlier, it is not very commercialized so it was pretty easy to ignore the day. It was too much to accept. Ignorance probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but it was my natural defense mechanism. I felt like a zombie, numb to the world around me. Life presented some precious moments which allowed me to feel such as seeing animals in their natural habitat which I had never seen before and the unity and togetherness of Group 39.

2011 Christmas Tree Cutting

2013 Family Christmas Photo

SOME MOMENTS I MISSED...

Stacy's (my sister) Pregnancy

Miranda's (my niece from Stacy) Baptism

      

Lil Whittaker Family

The Murphy's (my sister) Big Move

Waylan (my brother's child) is now walking!

After my travels, I was able to have time to mourn and accept that 2015 will be the first year without my Dad. I will also miss the growth and development of some beautiful babies in the family. I still struggle, but I am learning to embrace the good and have a different perspective. My service ends in May/June 2016, so this is my full year in Khorixas, Namibia. This is the year I can make the biggest difference and most positive change. God has given me the gift of a new counterpart who has the hard work ethic of an American with the love of Jesus to help people. He is just what I needed to stay committed to my service as it can be hard to be self-motivated. He keeps me accountable for my projects, respects the theories I work from and I value his feedback and support. I do believe we will be able to shift the mindset of Khorixas, at least a good handful or two of people.

The Man I Will Forever Miss - My Dad

FaceTime with Mom, Meme, Miranda & Stacy!
This gets me through the tough times!

My New Counterpart: Simbarashe