Home is Where the Heart Is

When I started this blog a year ago, I had no clue the struggles I
would blog about. My life changed last year and will never be the same. Initially I debated posting about my Dad’s death or just getting rid of my blog in general, but I needed to keep in touch with everyone back home so I kept it. Now the blog has turned into this raw emotional public diary of my time in Africa, my struggles of being away from home and living life without Dad. (Sorry to those reading this blog with only a pure interest in the Peace Corps experience.)

Today, last year my Dad died. My heart physically aches and it feels like half of it is gone. Then I remembered the saying: “Home is where the heart is.” No wonder my heart hurts so much! My home is with my family. My father was a big part of that. Not only is my family so very many miles away, but one member is not on this Earth anymore. Heaven is just a little too far away from home for my heart to handle right now.


This morning, I spread my Dad's ashes on the top of one of the surrounding mountainous hills in Khorixas. I brought some of his ashes from USA. I liked the idea of having him all over the world and somehow being a part of my experience here. Before I left, my sister gave me this lovely book with pictures of Dad and some written memories of him. Every time I miss him, I can find some peace in this album. One of the photos is of my Dad, before I was born, barefoot on the edge of this rock in Arizona (I think) with a similar scenery as the one I currently am in. Ever since seeing this photo, I knew I had to hike a hill and spread his ashes at my new home of 2yrs.

This photo embodies the life and spirit of my father. It inspires me to stay adventurous and enjoy life. He disciplined us kids, but he also encouraged us to take life head on and have fun. It has been really hard living life without him though. Every morning I wake, every step I take, every breath I have is just a little harder with this heavy heart I have to carry around. But, I have to let go. I have to let go of my pain and let go my Dad’s life. I realized not too long ago that I didn't want to let go. I kept having excuses as why I didn't want to spread my Dad's ashes. I knew I had to do it today as it has been a year (even if it seems like just last month).

After walking an hour, I was able to spread his ashes North, East, South and West. He always emphasized the importance of knowing directions. He was full of wisdom and life lessons through his actions and words. He encouraged me to be a strong confident woman, to dream big, work hard, love always, live life and appreciate God’s blessings. I have to thank him for that and this is also the reason I must try my best to let go and live my life with the people I am surrounded by now. Otherwise I might just get caught living in the past. I cannot go without saying my dad's goodness and strength is partly attributed to my mom. They were a great team. I could go on forever about all of the special memories of Dad. Instead I ask those who knew him to take a moment and enjoy the memories they had with him and cherish them on this day.

On another perspective of “Home is Where the Heart Is”, our true homes as Christians is in Heaven. Before Dad's death, I came upon this realization on a day I was sad. I couldn't figure it out of why I wasn’t fully happy at where I was. It then hit me that we should never get too comfortable because our true home is in the perfect world of endless praising and loving God in Heaven. This is what we should strive for: living a life for God and accepting His Son as our Savior. One day I will be home with those dearest in my heart. For now, Dad, Amanda (my younger sister), Grandmother, Pop, Aunt Nora and other family and friends get to join each other in joy and laughter as they relish in all the splendors of Heaven.

Halloween (Brenham, TX)

Evening Television (Katy, TX)

Lost Prairie Lake (Palestine,TX)

Texas A&M University Graduation
(Chappell Hill, TX)