Stripped Away

I will start this blog off with one of my "written words" then end with a recount of Wednesday which helps affirm of one reason why I am here in Namibia and in Peace Corps - to be with those I never would.  

Stripped Away

“What happens when you are stripped of happiness

Stripped from your family

Stripped from your friends

Stripped of all that you claim as your identity

The good part anyway”

What if the person that stripped you away was you yourself?

Stripped makes it seem you were torn against your own will

But it was my will to be stripped away

Why? 

Why remove yourself from all you love?

Why go so far away when there is so much to do right where I am standing?

A higher calling is what some might say

A profound voice in my heart and soul said, “Go.”

So, I went.

I went into the unknown 

No reason or purpose 

“Go”

To be so sure

The power of such sound steps could only come from the Almighty

Then my Earth shattered…

Nothing was right

My father taken to watch from above

My steps faltered

Yet my family was there to help me stand

So I took the next step (into Peace Corps Namibia)

LGBTI freely (with harassment)
walk the streets in Khorixas. 

Wednesday was a glorious day. I don’t share too many details of the everyday life here. My lovely site-mate, Alex, who I am sure I will unveil the deep beauty of this woman and her friendship to me on another day – spent the night before at my place. She came to wash her sheets as I have a tub to make this process easier. Since she came later in the day, the items were not dry and I had the joy to have her spend the night. We woke up, cooked eggs and walked into the day. She had a letter to drop off at KHFM, the local community radio, to request a partnership with them for a LGBTA (Lesbians, Gays, Bi-sexuals, Transgenders and Allies) event next year and I needed a few signatures from community members to partner with the new business volunteer I am applying to replace me. We walked out of the hospital gates with her blankets in hand to the radio station just down the street as I awaited her.

Not wanting to depart each other she walked left at the T-junction with me to the orphanage. At this point we were accompanied by a young gentleman who asked where we were going and if we were going to “a country” in which we said we were not and he shared he was going to Greasy’s house. Greasy happened to live right next door to the orphanage and a truck pulled up right as we were entering. The gentlemen were dropping off meat, I believe. Most of the orphans have some family members and are out of town for the holidays. The manager, an orphan herself, sat with us as we talked about upcoming plans of them going to town and this weekend swimming in Fransfontein. After our short chat and signature, we left and walked towards town where we met our smallest and favorite of friends – Kadisha. We are biased to her as from the beginning she knew the difference between the /gam /husas (two white ladies). Her favorite subject is English, she is mannerly and one day she asked me to play which for her was writing English. Kadisha accompanied us down the dirt road a bit until Alex headed home. Kadisha accompanied me to the Lutheran Church office where I have ordered a leather personalized stitched covering for the hymn book I purchased a month back or so. This hymn book is in Khoekhoegowab and I am so excited to bring home such a meaningful piece back to America. I am currently trying to memorize the Lord’s Prayer, but only have the first lines down so far. The cover was in Khorixas, but not at the office. We departed to escort barefoot Kadisha to her home where her mother awaited her.

Betty and her newest grand-baby, Divine

It was then that I “footed” (walked) to the location called “Hollywood” where my dear friend Betty lives. Her daughter just married this past weekend in the most beautiful of gowns. She has always made me feel so welcome. Two tents were pitched in the back yard from all the family that was there. The only individuals left were Betty, her mother, her two daughters, her uncle and 5 grandchildren. They were cooking some of the cow that was killed from the weekend for lunch. I sat in the back yard as I shared company with a family that I want to know deeper. I assisted ever so little with the fire cooked meal and ate meat and bread with them on the front porch. Then on the national Namibian news channel, the Republican Presidential Debate aired and I couldn't believe the amount of attention just one country, my home country, gets worldwide. After some laughs and smiles, I left with a content heart and a bag of fresh eggs and vegetables from the garden. Betty walked me down the street, as it is custom to walk visitors back to their home or at least down the street and hugged good bye.

Republican Debate - Where am I?

I went home and took a nap then left to meet Den, Alex and another PCV visitor – Davian. We had deep topic discussions over Fanta Orange then pour over coffee and lastly a meal as we attempted to make gimp that was ever so popular from our childhood days and found to be incredibly complicated. Davian and Den then escorted me home around midnight to where I had a peaceful and satisfying sleep from the heartfelt interactions of the day. 

Crafting - Gimp Time

Written Words

So, I have discovered an artistic release while being here that I would like to share with you. I like to write poems or something along that line to express myself. I may just post these instead of long blog posts every couple of months because I am only in Namibia for 6 more months! Time has surely flown right on by. I hope you enjoy this peak into the deepness of my heart. Most are about inner struggles I have dealt with while being here. I will just post one every couple of days for you to absorb.

ONE SONG

A song of release, praise and cry for help

What happens when you are stripped of happiness

Stripped from your family

Stripped from your friends

Stripped of all that you claim as your identity

The good part anyway

The mirror reflects anger, pain, selfishness, apathy

The longer I look the darker I get

My skin melts, my face deforms

My eye sockets are dark holes

All I see is darkness 

A black mass

 Somehow I find my way 

I walk through the day

The day becomes night

The blind man sees better than me

The blind man is happier

How can I see like the blind man?

I close my eyes.

I open them.

The reflection is blurry. Hazy. 

I close my eyes. Clinch my eyes.

Tears. I feel tears roll down my face.

 I feel them.

 A warmth.

A wetness. 

A soft smile comes across my face

I am actually feeling tears

I open my eyes

I blink

I blink again and the flood clears from  my eyes

The image in the mirror is becoming clear

And it is not a deformed figure

It is a beautiful young lady

Is that truly me?

Or is that someone else?

Wow, I mean she is truly beautiful

She has a shine 

A sparkle like no other

The sparkle is still there, just dimmer

"Embrace the sparkle. Embrace the shine," I think.

I see the image brighten with clarity.

I am alive.

I am me. 

I need to hold onto this part of me. 

On another note, you should check out a new YouTube Channel my site mate and I are doing called The Damaricans. Check out our first video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCjwbR7K4bw. 

Christmas in July - My Holiday in Review

SOO...as you know now, I am terrible at posts. I had 3 more unfinished posts about my adventures with Mom in Namibia, but figured I should get this uploaded since it is already 3 months late and almost real Christmas in December!

Poinsettias in Katima by Zambezi River

Can you believe it – poinsettias in Namibia?! It is our(America) Christmas plant, but since it is a winter plant it is blooming in Namibia now. What a way to remind me that I am celebrating Christmas in July this year. The first few days of this month, I was reunited with Peace Corps Namibia Group 39 at our mid-service conference. My mom arrived the 4th and I have had 24 memorable days with her and I will end the last days of this month in Khorixas, my Namibian home. A beautiful mix of all my loves in one month.

Hikers to Khorixas...Mother & Her Children

For more details about
my activities with my mom you can read my previous blogs, but the following are some highlights. We slept in 8 lodges, volunteer accommodation’s for 6 nights, camped 5 nights, slept in dormitory beds for 3 nights, and a castle for 1 night. We drove 4,654 km (2,891 miles) which is about 68 hours (almost 3 days) purely on the road within 3.5weeks. We have helped give rides to 7 strangers and 2 PCVs on 7 separate occasions. The 7 strangers composed of 3 women, 2 men and 2 children. I am very proud of Mom being open to pick up hikers and happy we were able to help out a handful of people. [For those nervous readers, the men sat in the back of the bakkie (truck) for the duration of their trip if that calms you any more. We also passed almost a hundred of those needing rides, but I wanted some alone time with my mom.]

Along the drive we have seen baboons, wart hogs, ostriches, various deer-like and antelope animals (oryx, springbok, kudu, eland, and other names I can't recall), elephants and zebras. This excludes the wild lions and leopard we saw in Etosha National Park and the tame cheetah we pet in Quiver Tree Forest. We walked through a canyon, touched ever so lightly a natural hot spring, slept in a castle in the middle of a desert, climbed red sand dunes, touched the Atlantic Ocean and tasted the great fish it produces, gave Mom an up close view of my work and life in Khorixas, witnessed a waterhole have no animal life to a plunder of 5 different animals (elephants, zebras, oryx, lions and a giraffe), saw the northern Nambian rivers (Kavango, Chobe, Zambezi), crossed Botswana into Zimbabwe where we escaped into the 7th Natural Wonder of the World (Victoria Falls) with the views and jumped in downstream we white water rafted the same river with fellow Texans (of all people in the World!), touched Zambia, “played” with elephants and walked with lions, received a ticket for a faulty taillight in Zimbabwe, relaxed on a boat ride in Zambezi Region and made our way back to Windhoek for some city adventures before Moms departure. Yes that was all just one sentence, but it depicts how fast these breathtaking events occurred following one after another.

Petrified Forest

Etosha National Park

Kavango River in Divundu

Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe - One of the Seven Wonders of the World

Riding and Feeding Elephants

Just Petting and Walking with Lions -  No Big Deal. 

Two Worlds, Two Loves with One Wall in Between

Several hours after our dreamy ballooning experience, we reached the Atlantic Ocean. I have been to this German influenced town before- running the half marathon the same day my little niece was born. We shopped a little, visited the aquarium, ate seafood and walked the beach. I was yearning to get home to Khorixas though, so we left Swakopmund a day early.

For so long I have pushed my American world in the back of my head. I live in Namibia and I cannot fully enjoy the wonders of the country if my mind is always back home. No matter how much I love my family, they have to be compartmentalized in one part of my brain otherwise I would be miserable (or so I thought). I was so excited to have “America” come to Namibia. I am still very happy that my mom is here, but it is a mess of emotions that has just crashed into my lap. She has been here a little over a week and it is starting to settle in. The walls that took me so long to build are starting to crumble down. Especially since she is now here in Khorixas, my second home. The few hours that we have spent together in my flat seems like a faded memory. She is now in the same place I have cried so many tears of homesickness. I can actually touch her, but am scared of the emotional release this will cause and my wall might completely come down. After she leaves I know I will have to rebuild this wall so I can enjoy my last months of service in this beautiful country. But I am then reminded that with every fear, you just have to jump in and cherish the moment. You never know which one will be your last, which we all know a little too well. So I will hold onto the frozen picture of Mom brushing her teeth in my hallway. In the future I may need this memory to comfort me until I get back to my Texas home. Thank you God for every moment I have on this earth.

The Whittaker Family

Scarecrow Festival

Mom & I at the Hospital Garden

Okahandja Family Comes to Khorixas

My lovely Khorixas gals that support me more than they know.

Dream Come True

As a child I never had too many dreams, but one of them was riding in a hot air balloon. And today (July 11th, 2015) I got to fulfill this dream. Truth is, my real dream was to be a hot air balloon pilot. I am now one step closer and maybe this is still in my future path.

After departing the castle, we passed through a couple of public and private national reserves. We got to see an eyeful of oryx and our wishful thinking was changing many sticks and trees into giraffes. We arrived at our beautiful campsite that early afternoon and drove nearby to the famous Sossusvlei red sand dunes. Mom would share that this was her least favorite part of the trip due to the hard hike up the dune and wind constantly throwing sand in our face. You would never guess it with the gorgeous pictures we took! After a short attempt of my skills on a 4X4 only road where mom expressed she “would be fine once she got the poop out of her pants”, we returned to begin cooking dinner by fire. Each of the campsites had its own personal hot shower, toilet, sink, outdoor kitchen sink, shade covering and braii stand. All sites shared a small community pool in the middle. I did not know such nice campsites existed!

One of the many road experiences. You could tell a car was
approaching at such a great distance due to the dust cloud. 

Oryx - One of these guys almost ran into us
right after we saw the animal sign!

The Fancy Sossus Oasis Campsite!

The Most Beautiful Woman

We woke early in the morning darkness to be picked up for our adventure in the sky. After a 30 minute drive with fellow excited balloon passengers we arrived to two balloons getting aired up. The basket was divided into 5 compartments, 4 of which held 4 passengers each and the middle held the captain. This balloon is 4 times bigger than your typical hot air balloon. The entry into the basket surprised me because I thought it would be a latched gate or they would have some box steps to enter – but it's a climb! The steps are in the basket, there are only two and the first one was at my high upper thigh. It also took us a good while to get off the ground, hovered over the ground then our view expanded into the great vast before us. My eyes savored the unforgettable scenery and inhaled the most beautiful sunrise of my 24 years of life.

If this were not enough, our pilot was a delightful, humorous Canadian man with an interesting life story. He spent the last 6 years in Kenya and before that raised his daughter and managed his own hot air balloon business in Canada. He filled my heart with joy and made me think of Dad who would of also thought he was a “good man”.

Before take off we were trained in the proper stance for landing. Everyone hunches down with their backs against the wall of the basket and hands grasped onto the strong rope. The pilot kept saying, “ Do you want the $5 or $20 landing?”. As we approached the end of our air adventure, we were informed it would be a $5 landing because there was not any wind - I was relieved. After several minutes of hovering over the ground, the  balloon team arrived and they actually pulled us to the trailer and landed right there on the trailer. Can you believe that?!

The same safari cars that took us to those great big colorful delights now took us to another joy – a breakfast for celebrities! Tables with white cloths, a buffet of homemade bread, jams, boiled eggs, cereal, sliced meats (including zebra) and cheeses topped off with champagne and a view to praise the heavens.

Upon waking up to this dream, I let my curiosity run wild and allowed my senses to capture every aspect of every  moment until the end where we drove off to the Atlantic shore.

Just Hovering Above the Ground

Getting Pulled to Trailer for Our Landing

Landed Right on the Trailer!

Mom and I with the Hot Air Balloon Team

Princess for a Night

Our Duwiseb Castle

We have had an array of different lodging, but none quite as spectacular as the castle. I don't know what made it so superb, but a memory that will last forever. We left Ai-Ais and made our turn north-bound before sunset. Halfway there we ate a delightful apple crumble and coffee in a small town and safely arrived around lunchtime. We were greeted nicely and I discovered the castle was managed predominantly by Namas! I could use my Khoekhoegowab language skills! I surprised Sonneth our all-in-one  guide, host, and waitress by speaking the language. I would like to believe she added liquor into our free welcome drinks as an addition! Once we were settled in our room, we drank our fruit cocktails as we received our tour and history of Duwiseb Castle. Interesting enough the lady of the house was actually from America and the castle was completed in the middle of the desert in just two years by 1909. The story is that she wanted a castle where she would not have to share her view with any other ladies. And for this night we got to be the ladies of the castle! We were the only ones staying the night so we got a three course meal served just for us and were informed that they would be locking the castle when they departed for the night. We joked about how we could yell at anyone coming in that this was our castle and tell them to leave. Once again, I don't know if it was because we went from camping to a castle bed, but it felt like we were sleeping on heavenly clouds. We woke up refreshed as angels! Another royal meal was served and we gathered our belongings to leave. I gave Sonneth a firm embrace and my eyes watered slightly as a bond was made. It felt like I was leaving family behind. She walked us to the door and waved us down the road like it was our summer home that we would return to next year.

Just Coming through the back door

Nice Castle, but there is only one spot for phone connection!

Down South

Alright! You actually want to hear all that I have done since I lovingly embraced my mom’s arrival into Namibia? Well, we have done so many things I am going to break up the blog into legs of our trip.

Mom trusted me to plan the entire trip including a variety of sleeping arrangements. I of course checked with her first, but this meant her first night sharing a dormitory room with me and four other strangers. She was tired, so she slept well but it was something she has never done before. She was quite a trooper! We had nights we were camping, but I have bummed off of other volunteers and didn't have any camping equipment. So on Sunday, July 5th we quickly bought all the necessities (my Christmas presents to keep!) including sleeping bag, mat, tent and cooler. We gave a ride to one of my most beloved volunteer friends, Sinthu, back to her home since we were passing through. We ate lunch at one of her local diners in Mariental, took a tour of the hospital she works in and a home tour before departing to our second night in this interesting looking lodge.

This establishment was family owned and ran. Dinner was homemade in what seemed to be her grandmothers dishes. It was welcoming and had a comfortable bed after a 6 hour drive. In the morning, the male owner was trying to teach me Afrikaans and surprised I did not know it already after being here a year. We also got to pet a cheetah and wart hog!

Just within the lodging is the quiver tree forest and giants playground which were interesting natural sites to see. Then off to lunch with another volunteer! We got a driving tour of Keetmanshoop by Katie and ate some pizza. Got groceries and were off on another long drive, but this time with the added challenge of being on a dirt road. We drove through Fish River Canyon and made it to Ai-Ais Hot Springs! After some tiresome hours of beautiful scenery we reached the gate right before sunset enough time to get our tent up, eat pb&j’s and get some rest. After cooking breakfast by fire, we took a hike through the canyon. We then relaxed by the outdoor heated pool. There were so many white tourists none of which were speaking English to each other. This was a bit of an adjustment to my life in Khorixas and realized I was about to see the same country but through tourists’ eyes. Mom was so thoughtful that she brought fixings for s’mores which we ate that night which were oh so delicious! The next day we spent its entirety by the pool. Luckily the south is typically quite cold especially during the winter, but this week it was nice cool temperatures – not too hot nor too cold. The next morning we woke up at 5:30am to pack our tent and depart because we we knew we had another full day of dirt road ahead of us!

The Best Independence Celebration - Not Even in the USA

I have now lived over a year in Khorixas and my Mom's arrival has shed the best light on my service. She arrived July 4th aroung 3PM Namibian time. Our reunion was pretty movie-like. She missed her flight from Johannesburg, SA into Windhoek, NA and used an unlawful amount of data to contact Stacy to inform me. She is such a great mom and was only concerned about me waiting at the airport without knowing she was on a different flight. With this knowledge I still arrived 4 hours before our union because I was filled with too much excitement. At the Hosea Kutako International Airport there is a guard rail about 25m from this automatic door that releases recently arrived individuals. I was filled with so many emotions - the reality that my mom was coming through that door was just too unreal. I was standing with jittery legs and a hard focus on that magical door that opened to have a peek into the other side as people walked through. Person after person came through, each not my mom. Then finally, the door opened and a sparkle came to my eyes as I saw Mom in the distance. She had not seen me and I excitedly got the folded piece of paper out of my back pocket that I had written "Mom" on and held it up against that rail. The doors opened. Our eyes caught and a buoyant laughter bursted from her lips as she saw me and my sign. I danced with joy until I could embrace her. And what an embrace! Fifteen months of no touch all in one hug. It felt like a screenplay of each day we were separated was united and filled in those few moments. Our separate memories and experiences collided into one. An explosion. One so great tears rolled down our cheeks. We moved to a different location to continue our embrace. Joy - pure joy. Then a wave of emotion hit me that Dad was not there. He would have enjoyed this and in a way he has the best seat in the house to view our adventures together.

P.S. Keep posted to read another blog about Mom & I traveling Namibia! I am writing this a week into her 3 week visit - and wow we have seen a lot!

Our First Dinner in Namibia!

The Foreigner

First, I realized I think my last blog is the first one which I shared what I was doing here. Sorry it took a year to do so! I hope you are now aware of the struggles a health volunteer has to start a project and then face the many challenges of keeping the project alive and ultimately successful. Let's just say - it's hard. I have really learned to be flexible, face adversity and still getting better at being resilient. There is a fine line between flexibility and apathy that I constantly am crossing; it is a fine balance.

This adventure of mine is a constant psychological and sociological exploration. My last blog title was called “One Year as a Foreigner” and I want to open your minds as mine has been opened. I am sure anyone that has lived abroad has a better understanding already, but maybe this is a reminder. Khorixas is about the size of Brenham, Texas – large enough to be a town, but small enough to be aquatinted with everyone. Let's say one day an Indian lady (a  small demographic in Brenham) moves into town and starts working. Without ever speaking to her, there are a multitude of thoughts or judgements on her and her character. These judgments are based largely on stereotypes on television and maybe the few Indians you know. Yet do you ever take the time to get to know her or invite her over for a nice Texan American welcome? No, you typically don't. Foreigner is not an endearing word, “invader” and “outsider” are words associated. I am trying to explain this in nice literature terms, but simply put- be nice to the outsider, invite them over or out, have an open mind and don't make judgments.

When I first arrived, I was expecting everyone to invite me over and I would become a part of a big family. Well, this didn't happen – maybe because everyone thought someone else would invite me over or that whites and blacks don't typically hang out together here or people don't really invite, you invite yourself. Whatever the reason, I felt isolated. Since then I have coped and made some friends, but true friendships worldwide are hard to find. With time, I am sure these friendships will grow and become stronger.

I currently live in a sharing society where everyone asks family, friends and strangers for money. Due to white colonizers and television, as a white female I am expected to have a lot of money. As Namibian friends have explained to me, when black Namibians see white people they see money. Because of this I get asked every day by at least five people for money. Not as many people ask me anymore because they know me and my response, “I don't have.” The combination of cultural norms of sharing and the perception that I have a lot of money was an overload of money requests. This was very overwhelming when I first arrived and is something I don't think I will ever really get used to, but I have a better understanding and acceptance of this issue. I realized that I have never really been asked for anything prior to coming here. I only gave with a gracious heart, but have become more selfish here. I am trying to find a balance of my old giving heart and a boundary of being taken advantage of.

Before you make judgements on a persons character on something that bothers you, their actions may be something from a cultural background. The human race is so diverse, let's embrace our own and respect others. Also, let's be nice to the “foreigner”.

Dominoes - The Namibian Way

One of my first days in Khorixas, watching a soccer match

       

2014 End of the Year Party for My School Club Learners

    

Mrs. /Gawises' 50th Birthday Party                                            My On & Off Boyfriend, Chicco

One of my latest efforts - Grassroots Soccer

One Year as The Foreigner

One Year as The Foreigner

I arrived to Namibia on March 12th 2014 and here I am one year later! I can't believe it. I actually made it. I am proud. Only 14 months until I complete my service. Now that may seem silly to say as I have actually more time left than I have completed, but I feel like it is just tomorrow that I will be going home. When I first applied for Peace Corps I thought 27 months was such a long time and wondered why it couldn’t be one year, “Isn't that long enough?”, I thought. I want to try and paint a picture for you. Most jobs in America have a defined job description, duties and colleagues to work with to reach your goals. As a health volunteer in Peace Corps, you are given an organization to work with but you are responsible for assessing the needs of the community, identifying projects to work on that are culturally and economically sustainable and find  colleagues to collaborate on the project with. This is a big task to take on in a familiar community – now picture trying this in a country a hemisphere and season different than your own. It takes just a year to build trust with people – for them to be comfortable with you and you to know who has an honest commitment and desire to better the community.

I have heard it time and time again from other volunteers, the second year is easier and when you really get in the routine of your work projects. I am into that second year, and for me it is true! After many failed projects and heartfelt attempts and ideas, I have a few projects that are consistent. I co-advise three school clubs that meet four times a week. I lead an exercise class three times a week for ladies in the community. I am assisting with a garden and chicken project that are to benefit the hospital patients and disadvantaged in the community. I also help organize any projects within the Khorixas Hospital Social Services Department. These are my main community projects and in Peace Corps I am a leader in the HIV Working Group and Volunteer Support Network. This work keeps me busy and I pray my efforts are as beneficial to others.

With just a year left, I had to plan out my vacation days so that I can visit as much of Namibia as possible before I go home. This makes the time go by even faster! The most exciting news is my mom will be visiting in just a few months (your summer & my winter)!!!!

Home is Where the Heart Is

When I started this blog a year ago, I had no clue the struggles I
would blog about. My life changed last year and will never be the same. Initially I debated posting about my Dad’s death or just getting rid of my blog in general, but I needed to keep in touch with everyone back home so I kept it. Now the blog has turned into this raw emotional public diary of my time in Africa, my struggles of being away from home and living life without Dad. (Sorry to those reading this blog with only a pure interest in the Peace Corps experience.)

Today, last year my Dad died. My heart physically aches and it feels like half of it is gone. Then I remembered the saying: “Home is where the heart is.” No wonder my heart hurts so much! My home is with my family. My father was a big part of that. Not only is my family so very many miles away, but one member is not on this Earth anymore. Heaven is just a little too far away from home for my heart to handle right now.


This morning, I spread my Dad's ashes on the top of one of the surrounding mountainous hills in Khorixas. I brought some of his ashes from USA. I liked the idea of having him all over the world and somehow being a part of my experience here. Before I left, my sister gave me this lovely book with pictures of Dad and some written memories of him. Every time I miss him, I can find some peace in this album. One of the photos is of my Dad, before I was born, barefoot on the edge of this rock in Arizona (I think) with a similar scenery as the one I currently am in. Ever since seeing this photo, I knew I had to hike a hill and spread his ashes at my new home of 2yrs.

This photo embodies the life and spirit of my father. It inspires me to stay adventurous and enjoy life. He disciplined us kids, but he also encouraged us to take life head on and have fun. It has been really hard living life without him though. Every morning I wake, every step I take, every breath I have is just a little harder with this heavy heart I have to carry around. But, I have to let go. I have to let go of my pain and let go my Dad’s life. I realized not too long ago that I didn't want to let go. I kept having excuses as why I didn't want to spread my Dad's ashes. I knew I had to do it today as it has been a year (even if it seems like just last month).

After walking an hour, I was able to spread his ashes North, East, South and West. He always emphasized the importance of knowing directions. He was full of wisdom and life lessons through his actions and words. He encouraged me to be a strong confident woman, to dream big, work hard, love always, live life and appreciate God’s blessings. I have to thank him for that and this is also the reason I must try my best to let go and live my life with the people I am surrounded by now. Otherwise I might just get caught living in the past. I cannot go without saying my dad's goodness and strength is partly attributed to my mom. They were a great team. I could go on forever about all of the special memories of Dad. Instead I ask those who knew him to take a moment and enjoy the memories they had with him and cherish them on this day.

On another perspective of “Home is Where the Heart Is”, our true homes as Christians is in Heaven. Before Dad's death, I came upon this realization on a day I was sad. I couldn't figure it out of why I wasn’t fully happy at where I was. It then hit me that we should never get too comfortable because our true home is in the perfect world of endless praising and loving God in Heaven. This is what we should strive for: living a life for God and accepting His Son as our Savior. One day I will be home with those dearest in my heart. For now, Dad, Amanda (my younger sister), Grandmother, Pop, Aunt Nora and other family and friends get to join each other in joy and laughter as they relish in all the splendors of Heaven.

Halloween (Brenham, TX)

Evening Television (Katy, TX)

Lost Prairie Lake (Palestine,TX)

Texas A&M University Graduation
(Chappell Hill, TX)