Mixed Emotions

Blog #6: Mixed Emotions

Monday, April 7th
My last few blogs I feel have been really logistical and I wanted to paint a picture for family and friends back home of my life here in Okahandja. This blog I want to try and focus on how I am feeling. It is a roller coaster.

Each week we have a resource volunteer that is currently serving come to be with us a week to provide their perspective and answer any questions we may have. Each one seems to agree the roller coaster continues throughout service. Just today I woke up full of energy and was super optimistic complimenting everyone near me and had a good presentation in KKG. Then by the end of the day, I feel conquered, overwhelmed and defeated.

I also have a hard time trying to determine the stressor. I don't know if it is the distance from family, friends and everything comfortable to me or Dad's death. Overall I am happy here, but I sometimes am swept over with this unexpected sadness. I am working on ways to handle all situations. A belief that has always comforted me is the only person to impress is God. I know I don't I need to impress Him for His acceptance, but the reassurance that the only Being I am here for is God is nice to have. I am someone that likes to please people, so taking all the people you know and the culture you are comfortable with and placing you in something completely different is quite difficult. As a people-pleaser, it can be wearing to try and honor and respect a family not your own, but treats you as such, and with a group of individuals that are in the same situation, but you still do not really have a great sense about.

My Personal Getaway

Random Thoughts...
One thing that I have gotten used to is coming home to a family and going to a church where I don't understand 97% of what is being said. I know I am being spoke to when I hear my name. My family speaks very good English which is helpful for integration, but English is only spoken when they want me to understand. I am very blessed in the respect that my family's mother tongue is Khoekhoegowab which is the language I am learning. This might help me pick up speaking or understanding faster. I try to pick out words and piece together the conversation, but my vocabulary is not extensive enough to form sentences most often.

A while back I quit thinking in US dollar and now I am thinking in Namibian dollars as my lunch allowance is in Namibian and that can quickly disappear if you continue to have that mindset. The rate is currently a 10:1 dollar ratio.

The food is not really a big adjustment here, but that is because I am also from Texas where meat is also a staple. All I have to do is go back to my country roots. I stepped away from my meat-centered diet when I was on my own, but I have adjusted back quite easily. I know crave meat and porridge for dinner. The porridge I kept reading about on other peoples blogs seemed so unappealing and bland and was so nervous of having that everyday. It is made from maize meal and is really easy to make. It makes me think of thick mashed potatoes that you eat with your hands. There is usually some meat juice sauce that you dip it in or you wrap the mai-i around some meat. Almost all meat has bones and is eaten from the bones - ground beef or boneless chicken is not really a normal commodity. I have started to enjoy eating food with my hands. My family stares a little bit at me when I eat with my hands, I think they find it amusing and that I am becoming a "true Namibian".

Cows Crossing Major Highway

The two biggest adjustments I have are cars driving on the other side of the road and no napkins anywhere. I still continue to look down the wrong side of the road before crossing the street. I just look up and down the road 6 times before crossing. And yes, no napkins! At first I thought they have a way to be cleaner or they wipe their hands on their clothes, but there is usually a damp washcloth that is shared or sometimes a small wash basin.

To end on a positive note, today I was picked to give a short introduction of myself to the entire class in my language and I think I did well! Another trainer who speaks KKG grabbed my shoulder in congratulations and had a huge smile on his face. My trainer was smiling during my presentation and another trainer who does not speak KKG, but can understand some, said that he does not recall a trainee that has spoken the clicks and the language so proficiently so early in training. I must follow this statement in saying that I am no where close to understanding or speaking at a level to hold a conversation more than 15 seconds, but this was definitely a proud and encouraging moment to continue in my efforts of language learning.

Also, for my family that wrote me letters prior to leaving, I was slowly opening them to last me during the entire training at least. I then decided I can always re-read the letters and am glad I did so. I greatly enjoyed every letter and each held its own unique personality from the individual. Thank you and I love you! I am so very blessed to have such support and love from home.